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I can tell you before I write this post that this post will be more of a post about the person that just HURT me the most in my life! I will give you some history but I don’t know that I honestly know that i Have the words to say to this person after over 10 years though! We will see how it goes lol.
I thought this was one of those topics I have wrote about before , but in doing my quick search through old posts I couldn’t find it! Which is totally fine, it might be one that I wrote about a long time ago or one I had skipped previously as well! Plus it has most likely been a while and I can reflect differently on it now!
I have to say that none of the 3 guys before David can I say actually “broke my heart” 2 of the 3 I can honestly say loved me in their own way. I am sitting here laughing a little bit because seems like these last few posts have been “Past” related and I have brought up Mark, Jason and Tim several times.. but I am o.k with that lol! I know Jason and Tim Cared in their own way, but I am yet to know what Marks true angle was with me after all these years. I don’t say that he broke my heart, but he REALLY hurt me in the long run.
He has always made me feel like I was just some “Pitty project” even to this day. He met up with people that didn’t even KNOW me from high school and only knew OF me and he let that decide that he should “adopt” me essentially. NO I wasn’t popular in high school at all, but I had friends and made it through. looking back on it, it wasn’t THAT bad! People are just stupid especially in high school. Though I know some people that never grew up. Anyways…. I had this huge crush on him and finally got around to telling him about it. He wasn’t INTERESTED like that but later on we stared to hangout and go lots of places like lockins at his church and then he took me to a movie for valentines day “Date” in February 2004.. which was my first date! Even though he said he wasn’t interested like that, I hoped he would change his mind .. and at the time I just thought he was the bees knees!
The whole Summer of 2004 we were inseparable and for someone who “Didn’t like me like that” he sure did act like it. He spent OODLES of time at my house and when we weren’t at my house we were out and about doing stuff. Then.. let me just say STUFF happened 🙁 that sure didn’t help me any because I was convinced that he had grew to “Love” Me! YAH RIGHT
Mark always just said I was a FRIEND. HE always wanted me to be different and I couldn’t be myself around him, but to try to please him I would try a million different things to try to be what he was looking for and it never worked of course!
In the Fall of 2004 I met Jason and we really hit it off! He didn’t really have the time for a girl friend with his job, but we still hung out a lot and I actually learned how to be ME by hanging out with him. He didn’t car if I was corny and silly and just myself and I didn’t have anyone in my life that was ever like that! He didn’t try to CHANGE me.. HE tried to help me find MYSELF. It was awesome!
I still hung out with Mark, out of habit and to get out of the house, and at very deluded times I still hoped he would one day want me, but honestly meeting Jason just set me on a new path and things really didn’t go with mark very well afterwards because he was totally jealous, and that is the only way I can describe it. To be someone who didn’t want me he sure didn’t want me to be with anyone else lol. I mean looking back now it all makes since of course. .hindsight is always 20/20 but when you are 19 year old gal who has no experience period it wasn’t this clear!
I met Tim in Fall 0f 2005 and well. That is another story for another day. He absolutely hated mark though and I went through lots of time during the time Mark and I did not hang out that much at all because I REALLY cared about tim and we were actually FOR REAL boyfriend and girl friend so.. yeah .. but he didn’t mind me talking and hanging with Jason because he knew we were really awesome friends and stuff.
By the time David came along in January 07 I had came home from school and I was just ready to change. I cut out all 3 of them from my life.. and “moved on” Now though Jason and I are close again and we hang out every now and then of course
I don’t know that i have anything to say TO mark. I just had to get that story out again. Been a while and it drudged up a lot of memories!