another day successfully wasted

woke up around 11. watched tv. played online.folded some clothes.watched more tv. played online.. want to take a nap. you get my drift. ugh wtf is wrong with me??

i know i know i need to go back to the god foresaken health dept for a checkup but I don’t want to. somehow i owe them 50 bucks (do not know. they are money grubbers I swear. my mom paid right at 200 bucks for an exam they said would be like 100 soo..) I will eventually scare myself into going. but sometimes i think whats the point. i’m happy now, and why ruin it with more bad news

now honestly i’m not going to lie. I think that i still have abnormal cells. how many and to what degree I don’t know. I tried to go off the pill, but then i started bleeding to no end. I went back on the pill and seemingly bled two freakin months.

then last week when i was gonna start a new pack of pills i quit bleeding all on my own. so who knows.

I am so depressed anyways. I know people are like big deal so what your turning 25. well i guess id just hoped to be further along in life by this point. I wanted a kid before i was 25. I simply refuse to be one of these people in my mid 30’s having kids. i probably can’t have kids anyways. so you know.

so yeah i’m depressed. and david and I still have money problems out the ass. and its just sucks. its probably no wonder i sleep all the time. its better than reality for the most part.

anyways i’m gonna get off here for now. ciao


  1. says

    Aww Nichole.. i’m sorry about all the stress you’re feeling right now :s I hope you’ll be able to sort things out with David soon especially with your financial problems. Try to cheer up a bit. Usually everyone feels better after a few moments of optimism, right?

  2. says

    Cheer up girl, you still never know what happens next.. so you can’t really predict on that/ I hope you’ll be alright and go to the doc for some checkup, better to be safe than sorry, it sucks that they are money grabers tho..

  3. says

    Aww -hugs- Getting things checked out is a lot better than not – stress is correlated with health and if you’re more stressed out, your health does decline… Once you find out that there’s nothing wrong, you’ll get rid of that stress. 🙂