I should probably make this password protected but honestly.. i’m about sick of censoring myself online/my site so.. yeah..
title inspired by rascal flatts song: I’m Movin On
The last few days I have noticed myself change …and for the better I believe. I am for the first time in years at peace with my life, especially with my past! I also want to change for the better. I want to get into shape and feel alive again. I am sick of seemingly being forever in a funk.
I don’t feel the need to apologize to anyone for things that happened 7-8 years ago. I was a very young and exceptionally naive, vurnerable girl. I can’t say that I am happy with certain things.. some things you can try to forgive but never forget.
A lot of this was inspired by the fact I cut all ties with Jason after he was here in december. He has changed way too much and I don’t feel like I know him anymore. There has been so much more stuff go on than what I write here..but he got a little to obsessive and stalkerish and just creepy to me..so I just quit talking to him.
David & I are doing so extra special well lately and it’s awesome. We have now been together 5 years and will be married 5 years in June!! Crazy stuff!!
I did start talking ..and I do mean innocently talking to one of the “ex’s” a few months ago on FB but.. after talking to him the other night and throwing stuff in my face that he had NO BUSINESS to even go there after all these years..and basically calling me a liar.. um.. I don’t DEAL with stuff like that anymore. I don’t APOLOGIZE for who I am Who I was or what I have done! He was the one who I have always said was mentally abusive to me…I thought maybe it was just the girl I used to be that thought that. Believe me, after the other night..I know that the girl I was was right. He’s an egotistical self centered JERK.
I think that this is the reason that I wanted to write this post. It’s just like things are so much clearer now. It’s insane.
I mean how the HECK are you going to throw my ex boyfriend raping me in my face? and act like I lied about it? if you want to get down and technical, it was date rape, and it wasn’t violent per se…and I did date him for a year. But you know what? I don’t regret it. AT ALL. I think in more ways than can be explained Tim did love me. I think he made a mistake due to drinking but he was there for me after the fact. He didn’t turn and run. He stuck with me. If he would have turned and ran I would have probably NOT done well ..I wasn’t like some hoe that just had one night stands by any means . I also very sensative and i’m not a liar by any means. I told it the way it was.
I call a spade a spade. and if i forgave tim and dated him for a year..well then.. why should anyone else give a flying flip?
For someone who I was “just his friend” all those years (4!) and he took advantage of and took my virginity he sure did always care a whole heck of a lot about me never being with anyone else. He called me when david and i were engaged and BEGGED me to come back to him and he would be my “real boyfriend” seriously? UGh
well i might write more about this later..but for now..that has felt awesome to get out…