Depression

Depression FREAKING BITES. In case you wondered. This most recent flair up has made me want to pull my hair out and it’s the worst flair up I have had in recent times, if not EVER.

 

Of course it started just a little over a month ago and I have had a lot of ups and downs.. mostly downs. I swear just when I think things are “ok” or normal something sets me back.

The sad thing is noone has ever really realized that I am depressed. Sure I act sad or have a bad day, say i’m depressed..but people don’t realize the power behind the actions and words. They just push it off as normal….it sucks to not be taken seriously and that noone really gets it.

When things first happened last month, it was fairly obvious to ANYONE who knows me that something was wrong ..especially if you were my parents or Jason or David. I didn’t eat for almost 5 days. That was the most drastic I have ever been. I drug around my stuffed wolf I got from great wolf EVERY WHERE we went and I basically stared into space and laid in bed for even longer.

Of course most of those days I was in constant contact with someone so I got attention and people were concerned because they thought i’d do something drastic.

Most Days though I don’t have anyone at home. I am alone from 6 a/m till almost 6 p/m Monday-Thursday … People know I sleep late and people know I nap..but they don’t know that I basically sleep till 11 and then by 12:30 i’m back in bed and I don’t get up most days until 4. I kind of hide these things by speed cleaning and keeping up with the housework. Noone knows how bad I have let my sites and social networking stuff like FB and twitter go. ..

I hate that I haven’t had any reviews and that basically my paid posts have went to non existant. Something to keep my mind off of things would be awesome.

Depression is something I haven’t ever been professionally diagnosed with, but it something I Have always had on some level. I was always the gal that got picked on for no real reason throughout school, even in elementary school.

When I got to 4 year college I was homesick a lot and went through lots of random things like an emotionally abusive boyfriend(thanks M!)  a rape, a misccarriage…

then there have been the problems with david, and on and on. Which of course things have gotten better but back when my g.grandma was sick /when she died …

 

anyways I just wanted to write some sort of  post about this. I’m not the sort of depressed where i’d hurt myself.. so noone has to worry about that. I just felt like this would be a proper update to get this out in the open…

 

Comments

  1. says

    I am so sorry you’re going through this. I understand the depression issue and how people don’t realize how much pain you truly are in. I tend to hide behind a smile, laughs and jokes.