I *honestly* don’t know wtf to write. nothing is going right for me right now. yesterday I pretty much told david i’m about to be out the freaking door, because I am just so sick of everything. now he’s on this kick where he’s so nice you can just tell its fake , and i think that is more annoying than the way he usually is.
I have tried to tell my parents, and all they will tell me is I know where home is/they love me no matter what blah blah blah. which is great to know they love me and support me. but let me tell you I am 26 years old and i’d just as soon take the torture i’m taking than to move back in with them.
They also tried to convince me to leave and go to virginia to my grandparents for a while. i’m like ok wtf is that really gonna accomplish? yes it will seperate me from the sittuation, which might be a good thing, but the aggravation of me being there is gonna make it worse.
I can’t really stay up there more than a day with out totally going off my rocker. its so out in the sticks…i wouldn’t have any internet, and t-mobile says i’m “internationally roaming” when i’m there.so oh yes please sign me up right now!
I always try to do what makes everyone else happy. i try to control these sittuations in ways that make them better for everyone else involved, except for folowing my heart, not worrying what i want makes me look,etc. seriously one time i’d just like to do what I WANT TO DO and not give a hells bells about anyone else. selfish? maybe. but i’ve spent my life bending over backwards to keep everyone else happy and this one time i’d like to do something for me!
The one thing i thought would make me happy is turning into a disappointment..which just makes everything even worse, because it was something that iwas really looking forward to and thought was the best thing ever and i’m pretty sure its not gonna happen. i know thats vague, but i’m not in the place to broadcast certain things to everyone on the interwebz.
it would be easy if i had a job, and had a little money saved had my own car and all that good stuff… i’d just go move somewhere on my own and be done with it. but no it couldn’t happen like that could it?
you probably think me not wanting to live with my parents is stupid, well let me tell you. my parents would never let me come and go as i please, or anything like that even though i’m 26 and basically been out on my own since 2005.they are very contolling of me me, and i just dont want to deal…
ugh so basically i’m at the edge of something in my life , i just don’t know what it is/whats gonna happen. but something somewhere has got to give…