The past few weeks I have found myself trying to be sucked back down into that black hole that I spent most of last year in. I have fought it tooth and nail but it just keeps nagging at me, and I don’t know how long i’ll be able to fight it off. It is inevitable that every time things start going really well for me, they turn right back around and bite me in the butt 10 fold I guess is the way to say it. Last year was a horrible year, and it just doesn’t seem that things are looking that promising for me this year either!
The way I feel about things is : I MADE A MISTAKE. This mistake shouldn’t keep haunting me for the rest of my life, though it probably will, I hope that one day it fades away and becomes a very distant blur in my mind. It’s been 9 months and it’s still like it is all just happening. It’s kind of like do you just make it go away (I really have the chance to end it on May 28) Or keep letting it drag out which could come back to bite me even harder? In my opinion I just want it done and over with and my life back. It’s like the closer I get to May 28 the darker everything seems to get. Then I have to get over at least one more thing before light starts to shine in my world at all again.
I hate that I was doing so well with things and BAM here I am having great opps with the site and trashcan u, and I have to throw all that away for something in the long run that I can’t do one thing about! I thought these things would help keep it off my mind but.. not so much I guess? Maybe i’ll have another awesome chance in the future..
I am really trying to find at least one thing every month to look forward to. Looking forward to things really helps…
Today my foot is bursting, This time change has me messed up like heck with my sleep and.. well the only thing i’m really going to try to do is get a load of clothes done later and go tanning. I will probably spend most of the afternoon in bed..
well.. that’s what it’s like around here.. how’s things in your world?