no nichole’s randomness. just depression

I keep opening up WP out of habit and I want to write here. I want to write here so bad it hurts. The thing is there is nothing I can write about. My world is upside down and I can’t write about it here. It’s just too painful…

There is no sunshine and rainbows and nichole’s quirky randomness. My world has turned into obssessing and depressing.

I basically stay in bed and try and sleep. or lay there and stare into space. Since friday I have ate: 3 croutons, 3 bites of cookie, 3 crackers, 1 can of beef broth, a piece of toast, a couple bites of pasta, and a bite of chicken fried rice.

I keep hydrated for fear of getting something horrible like kidneys shutting down/infection. I drink apple juice and water..tried sprite but fizzy hasn’t been my friend

I have always been such an open person, and for me not to write what went down and such is killing me, but the thing is I won’t ever be able to write it here or anywhere other than a word doccument on my computer..

I just sit here and pray and hope things turn out because thats all I can do at this point.

David & I are fine. Noone is hurt/dead or anything.. and thats all I can really say..

well I just wanted to write some sort of something ..thought it might help to turn on the computer and write a post..

Comments

  1. says

    I’m really sorry. As I said on facebook, I am praying for you! Also, if you need to chat, vent, rant to someone, I’m always available 🙂

  2. says

    I have been in your shoes before. Hurting so bad and not being able to go to the place that gives you room to vent.
    My world fell apart a couple of years ago. It took over everything. It was all I could talk about for months on end. It made me depressed, bitter, angry, and hurt my walk with Christ.
    Two years later it doesn’t hurt so much, and my world is very different, but there are some changes that I needed so badly in my heart that I am glad to see. And there are changes that are not so great, but those will work themselves out with some time. 🙂
    Even though whatever this is hurts so much now, life’s curveballs can really teach us so much. If there were ONE thing that I was able to change about the situation, I would take my pain and obsessing out on a counselor, not my friends. Even though they were on my side, and fought for me for a YEAR, it still ended up hurting us.

  3. says

    I am thinking of you, Nichole. I hope things turn around for you! I know that you do not want to talk about it now, but if you decide you want to later, I am here!