I am HONESTLY having a rough time right now. I mean I still sound cheery and all that and haven’t really let anyone know how i feel (david kind of knows)
I am just SO SICK of living with my parents. it only took 4 months but omg I am so about ready to loose my freakin cool.I am so sick i would take ALL the money i have (which isn’t all that much but probably enough to make a start) and just leave.
(then i wouldnt have a washer/dryer/living room furniture or kitchen table but so what?)
I miss my apartment SO MUCH. I miss Duke SO MUCH. I miss shadow living in my house. I miss sleeping late, or whenever i want to. I miss every thing.
My mother and I cannot live together for more than a few months at a time now that i’m older, and have been out on my own. it just doesn’t work. I knew this from when i came back from school. luckily then i was working, met david and left.
She always wants me to do FOR HER. it is ALL ABOUT HER. If i get my laptop out it is do this do that. I know i have broadband,and she has dialup but that is HER choice. even when i lived at home she’d call and have me look stuff up, but it has gotten far worse since i have been here.its annoying.
she told me yesterday not to upload my “crap” on flickr and cover up her new pics. excuse me? whos damn account is it? who pays the bill? who’s name is it in? I didn’t have to share!
she also likes to run her mouth about me not having a job, or me wanting to sleep. or sit on the computer or whatever else i’m doing as long as it isn’t something that she wants me to do. if i’m doing something and she wants me to do something for her i have to drop EVERYTHING right then or she goes to some far diminson of pissed off that I don’t even understand.
Sleep is my thing. i sleep late. i take naps. no I don’t have a job but that is between me and my husband. it isn’t her business. I dont have a job because david wants me to stay at home..and i like it. thats our choice. that and the fact we dont want to buy a new car, have to pay more insurance and gas, etc. the more money we have the more money we spend. so get over it!
My dad is just as bad. I can at least sleep till 9 or 10 or whatever if he isn’t home. on fridays though i get drug out of bed like 7 or 8. for example last weekend while they tore the damn house apart! all i did was sit there on the chair for 6-8hrs and do NOTHING. i wasn’t even allowed to clean in my room or get my computer while i sat there! pretty much the same thing saturday! and i got bitched at for not wearing shoes! in case they wanted me to actually do something!
when david is home sat and sun I can pretty much stay “in the bed” however long because they wont come in there running their mouths on me if he’s here.
my mom made the comment the other day that i should check out these doublewides down the road, and then she made the comment to me when i was telling shadow when i left i’d just leave him here(a joke) and she said when will that be.
my dad is just as bad if not worse. hes all political. its all political. i know i wrote that before…but its really getting old. he never wants to talk to me or anything anymore. its sad. I try. but he just acts like he’d rather do anything than talk to me. that probably hurts me more than anything because we were always close, he always was more nice and understanding with me.
I am a weak person by nature. seriously.. i’m not very strong. i have gotten better. i’d like to say something to them about this but even though they drag me down and say negative shit i just let it go. I try not to make it any worse.
I know that many of you follow me on twitter, some of you dont. i never had really wrote it online but come 4 years ago tommorow I got raped. I can’t write the details, because i’m not in that place right now. I was raped by the guy that ended up dating for almost a year. it wasn’t an extremely violent rape or anything, but lets call a spade a spade. it was what it was. I don’t write alot of stuff personal like this or from my past because people like to judge me, and i don’t feel that anyone should judge me for that. it was a very bad time in my life, and if you didn’t live it, you cant understand it.
I am also having HORRIBLE time with my weight sittuation. yes i know you probably see pics of me and think i’m skinny and all that. but i have gained at least 20lbs since I got married. if it wasnt all a muffin top on my stomach i’d be alright. but i’m so sick of not being able to wear ANYTHING i own. and then i buy stuff i think will fit, and still not luck. if i could loose that muffin top i’d feel so much better about myself.
everyone likes to be like OMG YOUR SO BIG NOW thats the comment i heard over and over at my family reunion in june. they dont even say it in a positive way. just like you big freakin pig you! and my mom always tells me when i leave the house wearing something that all she sees is my fat and all this and that….
well this has been very difficult to write. and i’m probably far from through..but i had to do it.