For More Information about the Be Society writing challenge & more please click the button above!
I think that most of us know what I am going to write about for this one!I have had several bouts of depression but.. The most difficult time in my life was from June 22nd 2012- May 13 2014. That is literally the darkest time of my life,and the fact that it drug on so long is still crazy. I get when you do something stupid that sometimes that there needs to be consequences and what not but to put someone through that kind of living hell for really no reason was just insane! I think the most dark I ever was with it was right after it first happened.. I am telling you some memories in my head I wish I could get rid of and that night would take the cake. I literally starved myself for almost 4 days .. I was only drinking water and such so I wouldn’t end up in the hospital. I read the post that I wrote when it first happened (let me stop to say , that in case you don’t know what happened don’t feel left out.. it is something I have only divulged to a few people both online and off. Most of my family has no clue and only Jason and Brad and My parents/davids parents and brother know for the most part).
Anyways, like I was saying.. I was reading that initial post which you can find here: No Nicholes Randomness, Just Depression
It totally breaks my heart to read it. I think it is one of the most emotional posts i ever have written in my life. I can seriously feel how hurt and scared I felt then. I was so raw. I couldn’t even put pieces together. It took the longest time but after a lot of research and talking it out and tears I finally just got to where it only really bothered me when I had to go to court (oh and that was what 8 0r 9 times all together? ) I did things to help myself out and just hoped for the best! Of course everything did turn out “o.k” but the not knowing was horrid.
I know one thing I wouldn’t wish what I went through on anyone. I wouldn’t ever dream of putting myself in a situation like that ever again either! I am glad I can close the door to that mess and move on to better things!
Believe me it is something I wish I could openly write about, but I am sure there would be a MAJOR backlash and honestly I just don’t need it. I just know I won’t ever do it again and I am thankful that those who I have been open with about it haven’t turned on me!