I swear I hate having an overactive imagination/over analyzing the heck out of stuff! It really makes things about 1000 times worse than they probably are, even though the situation I am in right now is pretty bad without my weird crazy delluisons! UGH! Every time I think I am doing "OK" I turn right back around and start having a huge panic and depression fest. ... I mean the most horrible thing is the fact that nothing can be done about this mess NOW or even in AUGUST when I'll know a little bit more. I know someone else who went through this and it took about 10 months! If I keep this mess up for that long I'll have to be put in the psych ward someplace! I have to say there are some images a girl of my nature and background should never have to see, and if she happens to have to see them /have them happen to her after 28 years they should make some magic potion to make them get out of her head at some point! You all cannot imagine how bad it IRKS the ever living heck out … [Read more...]

*Waves* I was hoping to be back to my "normal" Self this week, but so far it's been a no go. I guess I'm back to a close version, but I still have the bah humbugs pretty bad! Today I am in PAIN ....I have been thinking I had a pinched nerve in my neck for a while now, because I have had that happen before. Anyways, we were leaving zaxby's the other day and I pulled something in my shoulder as well! So in the past few days I haven't been sleeping (and yes, I was actually doing well with sleeping for once!)all that great because I keep waking up with numb arms/hands/UGH.. Then when I try to go back to sleep my mind doesn't shut up and I have been having HORRIBLE dreams to boot! Anyways whatever I have managed to do to my neck/back has set up sore so my back and shoulders/neck are so sore I can't hardly move today!!:( I sort of forgot to write last week/ but it was sort of because we didn't have internet there for a few days, but as of July 01 I would have had Shadow (my cat … [Read more...]

Well I am finally to the point where I can manage to get out of the bed and semi eat like normal ( would help if I got my mom over to take me to the store with some coupons lol) I would have probably been on earlier in the week, but we had an internet snafu again. It seems like when I had AT&T come out and check on my internet a couple of weeks ago that the guy broke some of the prongs in the jack...We know it had to be him because David had just changed that jack the day before and it was fine!> That in conjunction with a loose dsl cable ...yeah..but we are back online and things seem to be going well with it..we even ended up with a Dual Band modem to boot! :) I can't say i'm "OVER" What happened...because i'm not. Jason finally got me thinking about "real" food when he told me about the B.R.A.T diet(perks of having an ex who works at a hospital in the cafeteria no?) (bannanas /rice/applesauce and toast) I went for toast and it almost killed me since it was the first real food … [Read more...]

yes i semi manage to et over the depression and all that as going on and well the next thing you know bam theinternet totally went out. now i only have what tiny amount i have in the phone and the kindles 3 untill friday evening ugh! if it wasnt for bad luck i wouldnt have any apparently thisis prob the first blog post ever wrote via a basic kindle for goodness sakes... i just wanted to write a few lines to let ya know whts going on and i will be back asap nichole … [Read more...]

I keep opening up WP out of habit and I want to write here. I want to write here so bad it hurts. The thing is there is nothing I can write about. My world is upside down and I can't write about it here. It's just too painful... There is no sunshine and rainbows and nichole's quirky randomness. My world has turned into obssessing and depressing. I basically stay in bed and try and sleep. or lay there and stare into space. Since friday I have ate: 3 croutons, 3 bites of cookie, 3 crackers, 1 can of beef broth, a piece of toast, a couple bites of pasta, and a bite of chicken fried rice. I keep hydrated for fear of getting something horrible like kidneys shutting down/infection. I drink apple juice and water..tried sprite but fizzy hasn't been my friend I have always been such an open person, and for me not to write what went down and such is killing me, but the thing is I won't ever be able to write it here or anywhere other than a word doccument on my computer.. I just … [Read more...]

I am writing to tell you that I won't probably be writing very much or blogging , at least for this week. I have had some issues come up and I am pretty much in a deep depression for real since friday night. It doesn't have anything to do with me and david or anything like that...everyone is safe and healthy but I don't really want to go into details at this point, and maybe not even ever. I appreciate anyone who has commented to me and expressed concern in the last 2 days..I hope you continue to do so!   Thanks So Much Nichole … [Read more...]